![]() ![]() Oddly, even though I want to help everyone else, I’m not very trusting with 99.99% of people. My heart aches for what they’re going through and I hope to help in some way. When someone says to me, “I’m fine,” but my intuition says they’re anything but - I want to actually hear how this person is doing. For me, I am an INFJ and with us, we are much better at helping others than addressing our own needs in this way. Oooh, you’ve opened up a can of worms with this one! I, too, am 100% guilty of saying, “I’m fine,” when I am anything but. But if you’re actually meeting up for a chat or something like that, then maybe they’d expect and want a more honest answer. I’ve burnt myself out trying to help others before, due to my problems with people-pleasing, I never put my needs first, and I paid the price for that many times ( The Dangers Of People-Pleasing).Ĭontext and adherence to the code are probably important when asking how someone is, and if you’re asking in passing, you might not want to hear anything except some variation of “I’m fine” because you’re not really asking. Sometimes you have to put your own mental wellbeing first.įrom time to time, I’ll follow up on the “I’m fine” reply, even if I’m struggling myself, but that tends to depend on how badly I think they’re really struggling (if it’s a cry for help situation or not). However, I’m probably guilty of ignoring the unwritten code of “I’m fine” in my personal life, mainly due to being in the wrong frame of mind to handle someone else’s problems in my personal time when I’m struggling myself. I don’t think I fit into that 23% myself, as I will share how I’m feeling if I feel it’s relevant in some way, regardless of if they’re really interested or not. This is kind of depressing to hear, but probably is what a lot of us think, especially those of us with depression, like me. However, that doesn’t stop 23% of people who took part in the Mental Health Foundation study from thinking the person asking how they were wasn’t really interested in knowing the real answer. This would probably explain why we Brits have evolved to ask “you alright?” and know not to expect an answer. Apparently, 44% of those that took part in the study regretted asking how someone was doing if they got a reply they weren’t prepared for. If we’re expecting to be lied to when we ask someone how they are, then why do we ask, and why don’t we care about how they’re really feeling? Well, the Mental Health Foundation funded study had an answer for that too. I know, we Brits are weird.Īnyway, back to the point. Although this gets weird if you’re British, often we say stuff like, “you alright?” as a greeting rather than an actual question, and thus we don’t expect an answer, but rather a similar rhetorical question as a greeting in reply. The commissioned study by the Mental Health Foundation also found that 59% of us expect to hear a lie when we ask someone, “how are you doing?”. ![]() That’s a pretty bad way to look at life, isn’t it? If I’m not looking for help to find a solution, then I don’t see the point of wasting both our times on a pointless conversation. After all, we say sorry for everything, even for stuff that wasn’t our fault.Īs I said, I say it to avoid lying to people so I’m not claiming to be “fine” when I’m not, but I also can’t be doing with the hassle of explaining my complex issues to someone else either. Politeness and awkwardness is probably a common reason for a lot of British people, that’s for sure. The situation/context around where and when you’re asked could also be a factor. The obvious reasons we use the generic “I’m fine” reply when we’re asked how we are is probably a combination of several factors: politeness, awkwardness, fear of being a burden, and not wanting to be seen as struggling. I'm still alive, how are you?- Unwanted Life March 8, 2019 ![]() I'm still alive, so I can't be doing that bad- Unwanted Life May 25, 2019 Here are a couple of examples of me doing just that on Twitter: ![]() I do this because its humourous, knocks people slightly off guard, and avoids me having to lie to someone about how I’m actually doing. I have my own variation on replying to questions on how I am by saying “I’m alive” rather than “I’m fine”. The Mental Health Foundation commissioned a study on 2000 people and found that an adult will say “I’m fine” 14 times a week, but only 19% will actually mean it.Īccording to the study funded by Mental Health Foundation, 34% of people use the term “I’m fine” because it’s easier than explaining how they really are, and I get that, I really do. ![]()
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